It’s been awhile since my last entry… so this time I’m going to essentially do a diary entry on “LIFE”. Things have been really hectic, but the thing is, in reality, everyone is busy. I think that’s what gets to me sometimes. I feel like there’s not a lot of time to do what I want to do, and when I do find time, I am so tired, I can’t find the energy to “do it” (hence, why my last blog post was so long ago!) Sometimes I feel like people live like robots, and we get stuck in the rat-race. Repetition, repetition, repetition… I miss spontaneity. I do like that my life has become more “structured” in the last three years. I also think that it was something that I needed. Ever since meeting my “fiancé” (wow I’ll never get used to saying that…what am I going to do when it becomes “husband”?), my life as I knew it turned completely upside down.
When I met him I was a starving student that worked nights at a restaurant. I was finishing up my last semester in University, I lived at my parents after moving back home from renting an apartment downtown in Yaletown, and my biggest responsibility was paying my car insurance. As soon as I met my partner my life began to change drastically (in positive ways of course, but a few “growing-up pains” in the mix).
I really felt like I was looking in a mirror when we first met. We both had the same emotions, and we both wanted the same things in the future. He made me laugh, was sarcastic, and didn’t beat around the bush about things. Most importantly, I didn’t feel like he would be dishonest to me, or ever hurt me. He was upfront, told me his life story, and answered any questions I asked (he may be sick of that now… but it’s nice that he loves me no matter what just as I am. I’m lucky). Now, he had a daughter just shy of 2 years old when we met. This was an enormously foreign concept to me. The youngest family member I have is my youngest cousin who is 1 year younger than me. I’ve been the baby in my family, and babies really made me nervous. I always grew up saying, “I don’t want children, and I don’t want to get married.” That’s just the way I felt, but man oh man did that ever crumble. The first time I met his daughter I was so nervous that I was literally shaking. My partner and my relationship moved quite fast because he wanted to make sure that I was “in this and sure about it” before I met his little baby-girl. I sat in his driveway, almost sick to my stomach, and thought to myself, “Whoa. I’m truly “in this””. So with all my courage, I went to the door, and there she was… sitting with him on the couch with her dubby (or was it dummy? A pacifier nevertheless) in her mouth, and she looked at me with these big, blue, gorgeous eyes and curly, blonde locks; she was playing shy at first, as she could probably sense that I was feeling about the same. We chatted for about 15 minutes before it was her bed-time and I watched him pick her up. She looked at me over his shoulder while he was walking away, and she made eye-contact with me and smiled and dropped her dubby out of her mouth and buried her face in his shoulder laughing. “What a little ham…” he said. This was the moment I fell in love with my step-daughter.
Anyway, from then until now, I’ve started my career in marketing (yes, working 7:00 a.m. until 3:30/4:00 p.m. Monday to Friday), bought a townhouse with my dad, sold it, and now bought a house with Jordan, and have become a “other-mother” (the most rewarding achievement of my life). Oh… and I am engaged and getting married in August… yes, there’s that too. I’m going to be a wife… oh dear.
With all of this amazing change, responsibility, dedication, and energy, there has lately been this piece of me that is kicking at my ribcage. Don’t forget about what makes you, YOU. As much as I love my family and my new life, I know that time for yourself is truly important. I know what it feels to lose myself in someone else’s life… I’ve done it before… and it can create utter unhappiness. In order for me to be a good partner, friend to my handful of besties, little sister, youngest daughter, cousin, niece, and co-worker, I can’t forget about what makes me “Tia”. And therefore, I have now focused lately on who I am. I think everyone should take time out for themselves and write down who they are. Whether it’s what makes you happy, sad, angry, excited, and so on, what truly defines you.
Well, here goes…
I like to be different, and I know I can be awkward. I think people shine when they are being themselves. I’m both shy and outgoing at the same time. I cherish my family and friends. I truly believe that all people should be able to get along. I want to be a kind person. I can have a bad temper. I am not patient. I have absolutely learned how to be patient by having a child in my life. I believe in encouragement and praise. I like adrenaline rushes. I think great white sharks are RADICAL. I love to dance, and I don’t care if I’m not very good at it. I have so many allergies, I am quite odd. I need to be physically capable and strong. I have always wanted to challenge men in strength and character. I’m hyper-sensitive and although it can be good, it is my greatest flaw. I care a lot about human beings… sometimes too much for my own good. I’ve been defeated many times, but think giving up is for wimps. I believe in being independent and capable of living on your own. I love naps and need a lot of sleep, though I rarely get it. Sometimes I feel like an outsider. I believe in letting your guard down and allowing people to help you. I want to learn to ride a motorcycle and think Harleys are awesome. If the ocean was my backyard I’d be ever-satisfied. Flying planes is truly unreal. Jumping out of them I want to try. Admitting that you are wrong is strength in character. I am a dreamer. I like freedom. I don’t want to grow up. I like being counted on. Ice cream is amazing. I need to travel before I have a baby of my own. I want a son one day. I wish I were an Olympic rower because I have overly muscular arms that should be put to use. I would do anything to be a published author one day. I believe that if you want something, you can get it. I think that if you think negatively, nothing good will come of your situations.
Well, that’s about it for today. I promise my next post won’t be as far away as the last time.
Oh… and I believe in sticking to your promises, and if you don’t, then come clean and you will be forgiven.
Have a fabulous Friday world! Enjoy the sunshine Vancouver. I’ll be at Deer Lake Park tonight listening to Bon Iver and ecstatic to hear this song:
Love is what makes us live on…
– Tia D. O’Grady